rendezvous...

a first weekend i m not going home after 3 months.

Its been a while I did not blog.

I couldn wait to write somthing now.

当你自己已经是个负面思想者。
这时候有两种情况 ：
1。你会遇见更负面思想者 或
2。你会遇见正面使者拯救你 引领你离开黑暗面。

为什么人类会有这麽复杂的思想？

简单的是人类构造 还是人类的外表。


我想让脑袋empty cache..清清脑袋 让我休息一天。

when u and the entire peoples look for something at the same time, it is just about your stamina and the perserverance.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW, S?

I just talk with my girl from singapore.
I am so happy to hear that she is happy, at the same time, I am also lost while listen to her hapiness, cos i reflected to myself.
She telling me, she was like never know the person she is now, but she is very happy, relaxing, and totally run out from the way she used to be. Thats the way. I suddenly knew what i do not want. I suddenly narrow down what i want. i guess that is what others used to say, When you cant get what you want, change your method.

when you thinks, everyway seems like a cul de sac, turn around, look around.
When there's a need, there's always a way.

As long as you happy.
as long as you happy.
as long as, .....
happy!

do you realize how ur heart beat actually?

recently i always heard it beat weakly. its hitting hard and low.
Every movement i take i feel my adrenaline went up and down, sometime while i just do some chores but i felt im goin to fall...

alot of unknown voices in my mind.
the more noisy and happening place i went, i felt uneasy... so much hurting myself. i donno why...
but when i stop down I don't know what i can do to make myself better.

The way I thought was not right.

I read a guru's feature in a mag i subscribed, she is a real idol for me.
she design books, design publications with all possibilities would happen on a flatland.
Eventually I am very very tiny, like a dust. I felt like crying to read her words and description of what she achieved so far.Have everyone also felt the same when they do not know wheres the way to go to reach where they wanna go? where I should go and where i COULD go?

Its right to be wrong, i heard paul arden's words.
but how can a wrong risked to taken u further or more distanced ?

／／ 什么样的自己才是自己／／

你怀疑过自己吗？
人的能耐到底极限在哪里？
你试过很努力捂住耳朵 不听不看也不问吗？
你选择的，请问你用什么方法让它不要过期？
我最近很常在看身边察肩而过的人 他们看起来都过的很好 新加坡拥挤地铁站上每一站走进来的人们 都有很明显的去向。 灵市闹区每个人身上都有强烈使命。

热闹的夜晚 一群出来party的友人 热闹的包厢 让我更怀疑 这是你要的吗？
你想你的生活应该被什么事情围绕？你热爱某件事 怎么忍心不努力做到过了自己那关 才停下来看一看是否有什么是可以改进的。

你感觉孤独 却只有自己可以让自己可以撑下去。

when u know every facts.
when you know how ur heart feeling hurt, your body burden,
when you just want to stay healthy with family,
when you just want to keep simple mind and trashed the negative you.

i want to do watever makes me happy.
i am doing watever i can to makes me happy.
i choose my happy.
dont force me to happy
i will happy when i really feel happy.

only myself know eating peanuts will make me distress,
laying down on bed with blanket top to head,
playing spot the difference keep my mind distract and relax.

let me do this.
why my brain doesnt seems function well?
am i just at the limit.?
or im not actually capable to work up to expectation?

to get the decision of your future it is always not easy.
it is as difficult as getting the moon from the sky.

we went sunset bistro last night again
and we were have a great night though.

i watched Xmen, but i could not see anything
i felt so exhausted.
tiring of cant make up any concrete mind.
i gastric, i cud not take any food, i faint, and i am not happy.

so talks and critical thinking over my problems and my situation,
ive made up my mind, that might not cheer pals, but they will know me.
its not saying im giving up any of it.
im just making some choices that i think i might have at the moment.
i am still have the passion in my mind.
i will go get it thru the path i chose today.

i am lonely.
i do not know what i can do.
but i try to do wat the best i could.
show me some love and warmness.

so hard to breath right now.
I LOOK BACK TO MY LIFE SO FAR,
why im achieving nothing,
why i feel i have nothing on hand,
i studied, but why i feel i alcumulate nothing.

Let me breath.
Why I cant breath.
give me a way to run my life.

I cant remember any good thing,
people are achieving things in life, aprroaching well
I felt nothing
empty

unsecure at allll

i am 24.
i am nothing
i am 24
i graduated in uk
but i quit my job
i tot go for good
but i am still here
i am 24 with direction less

and i have no luck.

THE MONTH of April
is going to end soon.

I am glad finally i could get rid of these days' nightmares.
I am not really able to cheer up, Many times of 'phew, finally lucks pick up again' but ended up i need to know the facts of 'continuosly' and the terms of non-stop.

I fell from my high ego to without any confident to trust any thing will good happen on me. The planning and used to be able to think mindset has swifted away from myself. I dunno whether my decision were right or messup. Then i gave up my firewall and went for tarot-reading. still, I am speechless to the incidents happen on me, i tried not to think it as a disaster, i think its a test for a higher challenge in life. I faced the unknown virus and totally unpredictable sudden changes. People named it a life with pages of stories, I named it a life with tiring tear sheet.

I am always inside my secure zone, always a 'no' people. I do not want to risk, secureness is very important than TRY to me.I look like I am easy going and open minded.

Unpredictable failures really knockdown confidence and ego, People became smaller and smaller when facing giant questions and obstacle, every acts and trial are troublesome, no answer and not as the same thing u putting into it.


What should I do.

I want to do that, but why i stretch but i still reach nothing.
should i just stay and reach the nearest instead of a faraway one?


Please let me settle all these lengthy unstoppable disaster.

Let me live again with a reason.

Let me happy again, and sleep well.

回到爷爷老家之旅 没有真的想像事怎么一回事
只知道是客家村 亲戚可不少
涌来的亲友 记住名字还有辈分 因为难逢一面 这一别 也许很久很久以再见
乡下气息很好 就是卫生少了些 那么久历史的它真正留下来的人 也就是慢慢过日子的老人家和小孩。